Christmas Crazy!!

We had a 5 inch black and white TV. I slept on the bed that also converted to the dining table seat. We lived in a camp trailer on the banks of the Columbia River in Rowena, Oregon. My mom was pregnant with a baby, and for the moment, it was just the two of us. I was 6 years old. She was just 25.

When my mom got to the point of being close to delivering her baby in mid December, we moved to my mom's friend's house temporarily. It had gotten so cold, and she couldn't afford the propane to heat our little place. I brought along my two prized possessions, a Kermit the Frog who could wrap his arms and legs around you with velcro, and a Holly Hobby that was my rag doll.

I stayed in my mom's friend's son's room,(we will call him Max.) where he had shelves and boxes full of toys, and books. I was in awe at all his "stuff", even if it was for BOYS. Being an only child, Max had a hard time sharing, and I was sooo jealous.

The night before Christmas I played a bunny in the local church play, and the church handed my mom a box full of food for a Christmas dinner. My mom was embarrassed, but thankful. She handed it right over to her friend as a payment thank you for allowing us to stay there.
I had a little stocking, and I so hoped Santa Claus was going to come. Both Max and I tried to stay up all night, and listen for Santa, and we both heard him clearly. He exclaimed that our room was a mess. That was it. "What a messy room!" he said. We were ashamed. I was terrified that Santa had decided I had been bad because of Max's messy room, and I cried for the rest of the night.

In the morning, my mom wasn't there. She was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. I wanted to go and see her right away, to meet my baby sibling, but no one would take me to her. Instead the grown ups re-directed me to my stocking, and the Christmas tree. The tree was LOADED with gifts, and my 6 year old heart was warmed by the thought that maybe I hadn't been so bad after all.

In my stocking was some candy, and a small plastic Victorian style doll. Her eyes opened and closed when you laid her down or stood her up. I examined her, and moved her arms and legs, which immediately popped out of their sockets. I wasn't impressed. Nothing compared to my Holly Hobby rag doll. But I was smart enough to feign joy. I had gotten really good at lying and saying that my tears were tears of gladness.

Max's stocking was overflowing.

All the presents but one under the tree were for Max's family. I opened my one pretty package, which said "From Santa", and I opened up a flannel red plaid ruffly nightgown. I didn't know what to say. I WAS thankful for a nice warm nightgown. BUT at 6 years of age I saw the unfairness right away, and began to question everything. Maybe I was bad after all.

My thoughts turned to my mom, who I was missing sorely. SHE would have cuddled me. SHE would have helped to make everything better, because we were a team. AND she was having my baby sister, who I couldn't wait to meet. She was going to be our present.

Several days later, when my mom finally did come home, she came home without our baby. I didn't understand! I had so hoped for a sister to be my best friend. Mom looked so sad. She came home empty handed. She had given our baby to a childless couple. She said it was the best Christmas gift she could offer this family who couldn't have someone like me. She said She was blessed with me. the reality was, she didn't think she could afford to raise this baby. Her friend that we lived with convinced her that it was the moral thing to do. I was devastated. That was supposed to be MY Christmas gift. Which would have been the best gift ever.

That year was the hardest Christmas we had ever had. Being poor. Feeling shamed. There were so many lessons for me as a child there. So many lessons for my mom.

The great thing is, I am not in that same place now. Neither is my mother. But there ARE kids who are. Kids who are on some corporate wish list because their family can't afford to give them anything. Things like sweaters, and socks, and warm winter coats.

My friend over at Burghbaby is taking this Christmas into her own hands, and has created Christmas Crazy! Her goal is to raise $1000.00 so that she can go out and buy some kick ass toys to stuff a toy drive bus for kids that were just like me that year.
So, if you have anything to give, I would be entirely grateful if you would go a little Crazy for Christmas, and support the fund. I promise it will make you feel better. And I promise, she won't be buying some little plastic doll whose arms and legs simply fall out of their sockets. go CHRISTMAS CRAZY!!