Finding The Light, OR~ Note to self

Someone dear to me once said, “Why do you continue to dig through the shit? Are you looking for a pony? Because I guarantee all you’re going to find is more shit!”

We all have life experiences to deal with. Some are enjoyable, while others test the strength of your soul, and the testimony of your heart. They are all learning opportunities, but no one ever said it was going to be easy. If they did, I’m pretty sure they would be high tailing into hiding. Plus, there is no grade given to you by the life experience professor. You either get it, or you don’t and get a do-over. Life repeats over and over until you finally figure it out.

When you are in the mud and the muck, it’s hard to see the bigger picture. It’s easy to stop looking for the way out because our challenges tend to consume us. When I am in that space of challenge, and life seems to be continually throwing curve balls at me that seem impossible to hit, I start to feel like Tinker-bell when she thinks that humans don’t believe in fairies. Her light flickers… dims like a withering flower, slowly sinking into herself.

“Quick! Clap your hands if you believe in fairies!”  I’ve been clapping my hands so furiously for so long that my hands are tired, and sore from slapping them against each other.

It’s so easy to be a victim in our story. Where everything happens TO us. None of it is our fault, right? “It’s THEIR fault. They did this TO me, They MADE me react.”

Does that help you? Does it make you feel better not to own your own stuff? Honestly, with that point of view, it makes you look like an asshole. There’s enough assholery going around, thank you.

Eventually the wrinkles in our life story smooth out, and life begins to get comfortable again. We can start to move past the challenges. We climb back into the boat that’s headed toward the end of the rainbow. We push off from the shore of self-misery.

This, my friend~ is the cycle of life.

Until you find the tools to get through your challenges with grace and ease, you will continue to flail when you’ve fallen flat on your face, knee deep in the shit.  Until you start taking 100% responsibility for your part in your story, you will continue to play small, being a victim of your own self-created destruction.  Until you stop feeling sorry for yourself and instead find something to be grateful for in your amazing and beautiful life, you will continue to be a negative SOB that no one wants to be around.

Do you understand yet? Don’t you see? You are the creator of your story. This is all about you and your unique opportunity to have the power of choice and free will. You design it. The Universe gives it to you.  Good, bad or in between, end of story.

The problem is that so many of us don’t believe it.  We don’t believe that we have that kind of possibility within us. We tend to think externally. That it’s all outside of us.

My question to you is simply this: If you knew that you had the power to create a sweet life, full of joy, happiness and ease, would you un-create and destroy your limiting beliefs that said otherwise?

Well, would you?

Then do it. Un-create your story. Destroy your limiting beliefs. Let me know when that happens. Because being a victim doesn’t serve you. Quit digging through the shit, and stop looking for that pony. It’s really not worth it.

But you are. You are SO worth it. You are a gift, and a blessing. So be grateful. I see your light. I see you.

Walking the Spiral.

When I really started digging into my spirituality as a young adult, I was torn from being raised as a fundamentalist and seeking the other side of the spectrum, that which intrigued me. Which path was mine? I have ALWAYS been a seeker.
Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew that I have been enveloped in the Love of Spirit. The Magic of Mother Earth has always spoken to me, and the voice of Spirit has continuously been present in my ear. The seed in side of me has always been there, deep in my soul. I have always had the deep love for all things nature based.

But how did it fit into my Christianity? Where did Jesus fit? So I started exploring. I checked out Paganism, Wicca, Buddhism, Shamanic practices, Sufism. I studied Science Of Mind, and New Thought. I started learning about Mythology, and Mysticism. I learned about Angels, and Spirit Helpers. Guides, and our ancestors.

I returned to learning about Jesus once more, and started looking more closely at his disciples. Who were they, really? So I studied and fell in love with Mary Magdeline. I met a beautiful woman who channeled her. I read the Gnostic Gospels. I joined book circles, took classes, workshops.
I adopted wise women and men as mentors. I learned about The Secret, and the Law of Attraction, watched everything I could on the Indigo child. I watched A Wrinkle in Time, and had my mind blown. I watched every movie I could on transformation, and energy, and the soul.
I gleaned everything I could from everyone I knew. I know that I barely scratched the surface.
I joined a community, and adopted Spirit Mama's and Papa's and sisters and brothers. I attended Boddhisattva classes, and sweat lodge ceremonies. I joined a powerful interfaith Prayer Circle. I learned how to do Shamanic Journey work. I had soul retrieval done, and talked to Psychics. Out of body experience? yes. Talking to those that walk on the other side? Yes. Feeling energy? yes. And so much more.

Long story short I've explored, and learned, and discovered. But I'm a novice. I am still hungry. I want to learn SO MUCH MORE.

I know that when I was first discovering all this I was so excited. I never once thought I was an expert by any means, but my ego was not in check, and I know I was quite arrogant. I remember my minister friend and mentor said to me when I was telling her all my grandiose plans "NO one is going to take you seriously. #1. You are too young. #2, You have SO much more to learn."

Initially, that upset me. Well, my ego was bruised. Now, she wasn't being mean. She was gently keeping me in check. Reminding me that I am a student, a seeker first and foremost, and I had a long way to go until someone WANTED me for a teacher.
I will always be thankful for her words of wisdom. Putting that perspective on me was the best thing that could have happened.

I think back to all the women in my prayer circle, and my women's circles, ALL older than I, and what they must of thought of my ambition. Did they just smile and nod? Think I was being over zealous? Perhaps. They embraced me, encouraged me, and supported me along my journey. They were my foundation to grow on. I needed them, and I'm so incredibly thankful for their wisdom. I miss them so much. My tribe. I Love you, ladies.

And now I have a new circle that I am embracing. I'm not the youngest anymore. And I see the younger version of me within.
And the circle goes round and round.

May we all be illuminated by Spirit, and feel embraced and supported. May we all continue to walk together on this journey, even if it isn't side by side. I've got your back, and I know somewhere, someone has mine.

Breakthrough

Shifting, moving, swaying with the music in my head. My thoughts have become contemplative, observational. I see the wheel in my mind turning, slowly... like a waterwheel on a paddle boat, scooping up thoughts, slowly bringing them full circle and then letting them go back into the depths of my own soul.

I wonder about myself sometimes. 

Flashback to a memory~ 

I was pulled to the east coast by playing a main character in a love story. I initially resisted it. The voice inside my head; the soul said I had to go. The power animals in my journey said I had to go. Channelers who knew nothing about me or my story told me I had to go. There was something out there that I had to do. To create, cultivate, bring to the surface. I was being called to be a facilitator for others, to help others to grow and flourish. I was called to let a beloved love me so passionately and fearlessly. I was called to walk a new life. A "do-over". 

So I dropped my stories of why I needed to stay in my rooted spot. I dropped my pretenses and my fears that I would fall flat on my face. It was a daring leap. 

********

It took me a long time to find the courage to lead. To bring what I know to the surface, and be willing to share it with others. Initially I wasn't sure that there were others in this thickly religious part of the country that would be interested in what I had to offer. 

Years. It took me years to find the courage to shake off my fear, and step up on a box to turn my light on for others to witness and see. For others to be drawn to my light. 

Slowly they came. An evolving circle of likeminded women who are in various stages of their own spiritual journey. Some are farther ahead on the path than I, some are taking their first tentative steps. My job as a facilitator is to witness and support all these lovelies. To affirm the truth of who they are. 

Who knew how they would change my life? 

I learned that the more I give, the more I receive. These women teach me. I'm learning again, and my spiritual hunger to grow is back. I'm back in learning mode. 

In the past few months I have had so many "ahas!" and "whoas!" that it simply excites me to wake up every single day wondering what delicious new insight I might be blessed enough to receive. 

I have learned that life is moving far too fast to hang on to the unimportant, the trivial, the stories that hold me back. There is no time for that. 

Through dreaming, reading, listening, and sharing with my own pack of wild, soulful women... I feel absolutely alive, nurtured, and spiritually fed.  

I keep being reminded to not hold onto anything too tightly. That's when you get held back. When you stagnate. Dr. Carla Goddard said "You may believe you must hold on tightly, when truly you should be letting go. Seek out clarity and direction. Remember when you cling to something, it is only because you feel incomplete. You fear if you let go there will be pain. Yet when you open your palm, in that emptiness that remains, it is there that you will find the completion of yourself as one that you have been seeking."

I hear you Spirit. I am listening. May we all feel the gentle reminders to be present, to be open, and surrender the notion that we already know all the answers. May I be free to stay in the ebb and flow of the tide. May I continue to break through.  May I remember that I AM enough. May you remember, too. 

Aho. 

The Power of a Word

It is said that words have powerful energy attached to them. They can shift the power of the world. People hear them, and take them in, process it, and determine how they will react, or respond. Internally, we have the power to choose our thoughts (which are really just words) and to exercise choice in if it will be a positive or negative thought.

A Course In Miracles says "You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from that you think."

That brings me to share with you my "word" for the year. Every year I choose a word that will reflect the next year, the next chapter of my life. Only that isn't quite true.  The word actually chooses me. Maybe it's my higher self that whispers it into my ear. Maybe it's a word that stops me in my tracks, and I know it's mine to use.
This year the word morphed into two words. The first word is Metamorphosis.
met·a·mor·pho·sis  (mt-môrf-ss)

n. pl. met·a·mor·pho·ses (-sz)

1. A transformation, as by magic or sorcery.

2. A marked change in appearance, character, condition, or function.

One of the many varieties of butterflies that visited our butterfly bush this past summer.

The second word that came to me from saying Metamorphosis over and over. I heard the whisper in my ear: "Metta, metta, metta! Metta? The Metta website shared this: The Pali word metta is a multi-significant term meaning loving-kindness, friendliness, goodwill, benevolence, fellowship, amity, concord, inoffensiveness and non-violence. The Pali commentators define metta as the strong wish for the welfare and happiness of others(parahita-parasukha-kamana). Essentially metta is an altruistic attitude of love and friendliness as distinguished from mere amiability based on self-interest. Through metta one refuses to be offensive and renounces bitterness, resentment and animosity of every kind, developing instead a mind of friendliness, accommodativeness and benevolence which seeks the well-being and happiness of others. True metta is devoid of self-interest. It evokes within a warm-hearted feeling of fellowship, sympathy and love, which grows boundless with practice and overcomes all social, religious, racial, political and economic barriers. Metta is indeed a universal, unselfish and all-embracing love.

Whoa. That's a lot to digest. So, basically I'm going to transform myself into a new and better version of me, as well as being as loving as possible. Time to step out of Fear: (False Evidence Appearing Real), and live my truth to the best of my ability. Let's see what happens, shall we? 

The power of a word. It changes lives. It's all in how you look at it. "My thoughts are images that I have made" ~ A Course in Miracles. 

Do you have a word? Would you be willing to share? 

Here's my post for my 2011 word: "Reflections of a Year Gone By" 

Coming back into the fold of Blogging

Sunset in the Sea Grass @ Oak Island, North Carolina

It's been a long time since I have stepped into the blog world to share my inner most thoughts, illusions, and reality with you.
It's been 8 months of reflection. I had wondered all spring and summer of what I wanted to do with my blogs. I didn't necessarily want to delete them, as I love the power of words, and some of what I have written have been inspirational, funny, heart wrenching, and thought provoking. No, deleting it would have had me regretful. So I just stayed away. It's not that I didn't have anything to say here, it's that I wanted something different. I just didn't know what.

So again I start over.

The new year starts in 2 days. The beginning beginning again. A do-over. 2013, the year of possibility, potentiality, and amazing adventures.
What has occurred for me since April of 2012?
I did a lot of weddings. 30 weddings, 2 baby blessings, 2 women's circles. I was busy most every single weekend. I still love what I do. And yet....
I'm hopeful for the new year. What will it bring for us?
My children have grown. Julia goes to an arts school and got braces, Ryan dropped out of school and is working full time, getting ready to fly the nest, Kayce broke his face from two bike crashes, got 2 concussions, turned his schooling around and is doing great. Isabella was vivacious and hilarious.
We went on our first family vacation to North Carolina for Christmas.
We were abundant in all things; love, hope, possibility, and adventure. I'm looking forward to an even better year. I hope you will share it with me. Sending you blessings for you and your beautiful families. I will hope with you for a fantastic tomorrow, if you promise to love and appreciate today with me.
Happy New Year!

What is a bad day, anyway?

I had a bad day. I didn't want to share that factoid with you, because my posts are supposed to be uplifting, and thought provoking. Insightful. So, why would I ever want to share my bad day with you? Why would I want to bring you down?
I spoke these thoughts aloud to my sounding board and one of my dearest friends Chris. She heard my words, but seemed confused. "Why WOULDN'T you want to share this part of your life? It means you are human, just like us. It shows your own vulnerability. Your strength when you climb out of that place. Just remember to share the lesson you gained while sitting in that dark space too". She is absolutely right.

So I had a bad day. I realized that sometimes it's OK to sit in that dark space. It's OK to feel mad, sad, frustrated. It's OK because we ALL have those feelings. We all have many of the same life experiences. We are really never alone, even if we think we are. We can feel sorry for ourselves, and try to remember to pat ourselves on the back, give ourselves self love, and empathy. Wouldn't you hope that from a true friend? Let me ask you this: Are you your own friend? You should be. It adds value to who you really are. You become a brighter light in the midst of our communities.

Sometimes that dark space can become a dungeon though. Sometimes we can drown in our own misery.    But that is your walk. Your journey. You need to find the tools in your "tool box for the soul" to help you lift yourself out of that dark space.

The dark nights of the soul as I have learned to call them from wise women in my life, are the most teachable moments that we can ever offer ourselves. It leads to introspection and revelation, if we really take the time to sit with it and try to understand why you are in that dark night in the first place. There is a lesson in every single thing you experience.

I have been going through a lot these past few months. Just like everyone else, right? Some of it has been quite honestly superficial. Ego driven. I fully admit it. Some of it has been deep down soul hurt, heart hurt, mind expanding/blowing revelations. I could easily choose to close myself off to not feel it. To be numb, to stuff it down a little further in my heart and smile instead. My mom always told me to just keep smiling, because eventually my day would be a good one. Pretend long enough and it becomes true.
I have learned that it isn't who I am, to stuff my feelings. I simply can't. I have to analyze every little detail to understand the situation. I need closure. What I have learned from what my mom said though wasn't so much that she wanted me to stuff the feelings, but to live in the present moment as much as possible. To be the light for others and that eventually it will fill you up. To be a positive person and that it become true for you.
I'm trying, mom.
I have felt tearful recently... a knot in my throat. My husband is the very first man that I have met that doesn't ever tell me not to cry. He doesn't care if it makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't try to fix my hurt. Crying is releasing, and healthy. It lets it all out. It's healing.
So I have cried. Not a lot, but enough to expel some of that hurt and frustration. I have asked for support. I have asked for laughter from others. It helps a little.
I have worked at finding the positive in every single thing that I have chosen to feel hurt in the last few months. I feel a little stronger. A little brighter. A little better.

So, I just wanted you to know that it's OK to have a bad day.

"There are two ways of spreading light ... To be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it." ~ Edith Wharton ~

I am here to shine a light in your dark places. As you walk through your dark nights of the soul, always remember that I will leave a light on for you. Will you leave a light on for me?

Testing Faith

I wrote this a year ago, right before Easter. I found it fitting to put it out there again, on this blog. Enjoy! ...


 "Why is Jesus's death and Resurrection mixed with The Easter Bunny and Easter Egg hunts?" Asked my daughter with a confused and perplexed face.
Oh boy. Big questions.

So we launched into a history lesson. A controversial one at that. We talked about Paganism. We talked about Ostara; the pagan goddess of Spring and fertility. She goes many names, Ishtar, Oestar. We discussed how the Pagan's celebrated Spring for thousands of years before the start of Christianity, and why Spring SHOULD be celebrated. Life, rebirth, warmer weather, longer days... Yes. Something to celebrate.

We discussed how the egg and rabbit are both associated with fertility (Spring)... which led to an interesting discussion skirting around sex, but she got the general idea when I explained it. She did like the story of coloring the eggs, and how it has a special place in the Pagan Spring festival, associating the colors with the sunlight of Spring.

The difficult part in our conversation was when we talked about the transition of Pagan tradition morphing with Christianity, from what I learned, was through force. How The leaders of the Christian faith wanted the Pagan traditions to cease to exist, to quietly disappear.  I tried to explain the parallel of pagan spring rituals and and Jesus's Resurrection. It wasn't easy.

It opened the door wide open to my own religious upbringing, and my beliefs. Telling Julia the story of myself as a young child watching a live reenactment of Jesus being whipped, dragging his cross across several blocks in the town that we lived in and being tied up on it. Remembering his words crying out in the night as he *died*"Oh God! Why have you forsaken me?"

I became very emotional telling this story to my daughter. It was a pivotal moment in my life that shaped a part of me. Traumatizing, if you will. To see someone that I was brought up to love.... this beloved man, and to see him hurt and killed in a very violent way, whoa. I didn't understand it at the time.

As a grown woman, as a mother, I actually love Easter. What I love most about it is the celebration of Spring, of LIFE. Flowers, coloring eggs, egg hunts, family gatherings, FOOD, bunnies.. There's a lightness. Happiness. It's like a long awaited dawn after a long winter's night. I want my children to know what all the parts of Easter represent. Both the Pagan and the Christian ways. Because that's who I am. I am a blend of all faiths. I cannot be pigeon holed into one way.

Every answer that I gave her brought up another question from her. Her confusion about all the different faiths of the world, and why there are so many. Especially when we discussed all the different  Christian faiths; Baptist, Lutheran, Protestant, Catholicism, etc. So many why's. Not understanding.
It felt like her world expanded a little more... or maybe.. exploded. There is so much that she just realized she doesn't understand, and it was pretty confusing for her.

My final explanation about religion to her based on my belief, was that there is no wrong way to love God. That the underlying essence of every religion is Love. That all religions preach for a person to live your very best life. In the end we all learn the greatest lesson: Love is unconditional. No matter what you believe.

I know I didn't answer all her questions. Glenn teased me later that it was quite the Sunday Sermon. Hah.

I want my children to explore their world. To determine their own way of believing. To follow their own paths, their own hearts passion. To not judge others, and to remember they are a spark of a brilliant Light that floods us all.

Understanding is the first step

Lately, I have been in a very inward place. Contemplative. Perhaps a bit pensive. I have been trying to understand. There's a huge word. I'm not trying to conquer the world just yet,  but understand human behavior is a good place to start. Why people do the things they do. Why people say the things that they say. Trying to let go of judgement. To let go of ego. To just see the person as a reflection of me. This can be hard, because often I am my own worst critic.

So I am learning compassion for all people, including myself. This is a new concept. I usually have compassion for others, but having it for myself, is a whole new chapter evolving in my life. I kind of figure that if I can be more gentle with myself and others, then my little world might be a little bit brighter.

Am I delusional?

I don't condone bad behavior. I don't like it when people are hurtful, and hateful. But, if I can get down to the heart of WHY they are being hurtful or hateful, then.. at least for myself, I have a basic understanding, and I can deal with it, without my walls coming up, allowing myself to be as authentic as possible.

This is the beginning of a lovely relationship I am creating with myself, right? I don't know that I will always get along with my own concepts here, but I can try. Or else I might just have to break up with myself, and well... we can't have that, right?

This all goes along with my New Year's wish to make an effort of learning to let go. To let go and surrender. To surrender the what if's, the woulda, coulda, shoulda's. Dropping the past behind me so that I can hold onto the present. I finally noticed that after all these years of trying to live in the present moment, trying to live mindfully, that I have actually been hanging onto my past with a death grip. An angry, scornful,wishful death grip. It hasn't been working out for me so well. My inability to let go of the hurt from my past led to depression and anxiety, which led to medication. Which wasn't fun. So in order to deal with my own issues mindfully, I had to come full circle.

Since doing so, I have had a domino effect of "Aha!" moments. Realizations, curiosity, observation. It's become almost a game for me. It actually takes the personal out of the equation because I am looking at certain things in an analytical way. All of a sudden it's like someone opened all the blinds, opened the doors, and turned the lights on.
It's leading to forgiveness. Forgiveness of the things I have done, and for those who've hurt me in my past. And I AM learning to let go, because I finally am starting to have a basic understanding of why things in my life happened. Why people in my past behaved the way they did. Why people still behave the way they do. This is all to the good.

Understanding people, and letting go of the past, is making more room in my life for good things to come in. I see it as spring cleaning.

What are you doing to make more room for good things to come into YOUR life?

Name Change, Growing Pains

As you might have noticed, the name of this blog has changed from Dina Discovering Dinelle, to A Soulful Place. I have my reasons. It's an evolution, if you will. I will explain.
My name on my birth certificate is Dinelle. It's a "formal" name. It's my "grown up" name. I use it with legal papers. It's on my checks, my drivers license. It is one aspect of me. I have never been 100% comfortable with it. DOn't get me wrong, I like it. I think Dinelle is a beautiful name. But. I had just never gotten a chance to really know her. I was nicknamed Dina by my mom after her favorite movie star at the time "Dina Merril". It's a happy name. It's slang. It's laid back.
On the other hand, Dinelle is only used for serious reasons. Maybe that's why I don't go by it very often. She's too serious.
So when I initially named the blog Dina Discovering Dinelle, it was my way of trying to get to know that aspect of who I am. It was me trying to embrace all the different parts of me. It worked. And then I outgrew that vision. I don't need to discover Dinelle anymore. It's my name. It's a part of who I am. It's beautiful. But it doesn't change anything about me.
So I started thinking about what I wanted to express in this place. It's not a mommy blog. I have one of those. It's not a wedding blog... maybe a little, but not really. It's a place where I can be Soulful. Where I can express my soul feelings. Where I can share thoughts on a much deeper level than anywhere else. And so "A Soulful Place" came to my mind. I have mulled it over for exactly a month. It feels right.
The website address will change as well to SoulfulPlace.blogspot.com, so if you subscribe to my writing, please go back and adjust it accordingly. I will wait until Friday to make that change. :)

I will be featuring guest writers, interviews with inspirational people, books that touched my soul, Words of wisdom, and of course my soulful thoughts.
Thank you for walking with me on this journey. If you want to see anything on here in particular, please let me know.
Peace.
Dina

Free Wedding Ceremony Contest!

I love hearing the stories of how a person's path crosses another, and love blooms. I love the sweetness, the beauty, the sometime rawness. Sometimes love comes in unexpected ways, and that is beautiful. Because each couple, each story is unique.

I love hearing thoughts and opinions on what makes a marriage work. What love means. What it means to be in relationship with another soul.

I love hearing the wishes and goals. The trials and triumphs of relationships. It's a feel good feeling.

I love weddings. I love the art of ceremony. I love helping a couple create and design a ceremony that defines and expresses the relationship that they have built. Bringing two people together in sacred ceremony is probably the most awesome and fulfilling job I could ever hope to have besides being a mother. Nothing tops that. :) It's a blessing, and the most fun thing I have ever done. A natural high, if you will. I love it so much that if I didn't have to use money to survive, and eat and just be, I would totally do it for free. :)
Really though, It's been a fantastic career choice, and it's time to be in service back into the community.

So, in the act of paying it forward for all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me, I want to offer a contest!

I want to hear your love story. I want to know why you believe you are marrying the right partner. I want to know what commitment /marriage means to you. What makes a marriage work? What does love mean to you? What does it mean to be in relationship?
Send in your story to me at Rev(dot)Dina(At) Soulfulcommitment(dot)com. I will post the stories with your permission, and then, We will open it up to the readers for a vote of the best story! The story with the most votes will win, so you might want to tell your friends and family to vote for you!

The contest runs through February 29th. The voting begins March 1st. The winners will be announced Sunday March 18th both at the Pittsburgh Bridal Show at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center, and here on the blog, and on my Facebook page.


Restrictions apply:
1. One couple will win 1 free wedding package, including a ceremony, rehearsal (if needed), all travel, and filing your license after your ceremony. 
2. Wedding must be in the Tri state area, including Pennsylvania, Ohio, and West Virginia.
3. Wedding day must be available on my calendar. (I am happy to share with you my availability, if you ask)
4. If Wedding is OUT of of the Tri-State area and you really want me there, we can negotiate. :)
5. Couple must not already be contracted with me for my services.


SO let's hear your story! I can't wait! 

Circling the wagons

I remember a long time ago I went through a "Soul's Purpose" journey meditation, and within the visual journey that I went through, I still remember clearly seeing me walk through a theater stage door, which opened to a serene tropical beach at deep sunset, with crowds of people who were happy, and clamoring to be touched by me. Reaching their arms striving to touch me. Each person that I touched at the center of their forehead, glowed at the very center of where I touched them. And when I touched them, they melted into a sigh of happiness. When I looked down at my own hands they were glowing, electrical. My entire being was glowing.

What did this mean?
I had no idea. What am I called to do?
I figured it out finally.

8 years later, it's really happening. Years of waiting, cultivating, growing. Years of being mentored, loved, and listened to, Searching, digging, watching for that wisdom within myself that flows through us all. I'm stepping into my fears. Big time. Scary.

Who am I to be able to inspire others to be their best self? Who am I to be called upon to mentor others to bring forth that inner beauty that resides in the deepest parts of us? Am I wise enough? Do I have what they need, what it takes? Will I fulfill that question, need, discovery, that these amazing souls have within them? Will I help? Cultivate? Inspire?

(shrugs)
I don't know. But what I do know is that it's been calling me for forever. That it drives me to be a better person, to find that tricky and beautiful balance. To stay off that pedestal, and keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, while at the same time reaching up to Heaven to bring down the magic, the dreams, the twinkling stars of hope that shoot through us all. That's what I want.

This picture that I paint for you, this ideal world,  I also know that this is the picture of a person who is standing at the edge of her power. 
A person (umm hello.. me!) who is both frightened and also, incredibly ready to step up, thrilled and so amazingly blessed.

I have started a Women's Wisdom class , a Soul's Journey, and it is filling with the most gorgeous and beautiful and brilliant and precious human beings and I want to be of service to them – real service, deep, meaningful down to the soul service.

The kind of service that creates a platform/foundation off of which they can jump/launch into their own full positive, blessed gorgeous-ity.


I am inspired by others in a way that many don't understand. SO many women out there who work so hard to bring forth the best that is within them, and others, just by touching lives. Speaking the wisdom that they know, that can be life changing to others. The incredible thing is that the people touched already know the wisdom, it's just that it sparks them at the moment the way it never did before.
It's already within you. Someone else just shows a flashlight into that darkness where you are protecting your own soul power, your own wisdom.

There are all these stories that are swirling around my head "I'm too young to hold that kind of power, that kind of wisdom." "I'm not spiritual enough". "I haven't been educated enough". "I'm not following what I'm preparing to teach".
I'm feeling like these stories are told to keep my ego in check, but I'm wondering if it is having the opposite effect, shadowing my purpose, hiding within, because it's so scary to put yourself out there into the light.

Nevertheless, I'm doing it. And I hold all these brilliant, beautiful women in the light. And it's going to be fun, and giggly, and lovely. And it's going to be hard, and messy, and bring stuff up, that maybe we don't want to see. And we are going to do it anyway. And we are going to shed that gorgeous light on ourselves and expose our beauty, and we are going to shine. Because I say so.


Inspired by Amy Oscar, who shares parts of herself, and says things so brilliantly and eloquently that I wish I could write/ say/share. Some of Her words are interwoven into my own.


The Class that I am facilitating is The Anam Cara Journey; A Soul-Book for Women Seeking a Deeper Connection to the Self, the Other & Community written by Kathleen McKern Verigin <----- She is awesome and amazing. 

My new Mantra.

Do I look stalkerish to you? ;)

I was blog stalking today. That is, I was enjoying one blogger who wrote about another blogger, so I clicked onto the next site, and 3 blogs later, 20 posts, and I am in love.
I love people who write with their soul. With passion. With heart.

Tonight I stumbled upon this post from I Can't Whistle. She was quoting from another website herself, but I couldn't reach the link she had. So. I am giving I Can't Whistle the credit until I figure it out.
Anyway. LOVE this, and I wanted to share. I think will be my new mantra for the time being.
Without further ado:

Color outside the lines~ 

Live a gutsy, self-aware life.

Ignite the spark in your soul and lay down the

tracks to the songs in your heart. 

Define your reason for being;

 go deep, soak up your essence,

then honor your authentic self.

Break the chains that bind you.

Free yourself from your self-imposed restrictions

and be courageous towards all that you dread.

Don’t let the fear of judgment quell your spirit.

Proudly flaunt your humanity,

with all its exquisite imperfections.

Experience the edge of life.

Make mistakes. Color outside the lines.

Go to the brim of what is familiar and jump off.

After all, a vibrant life is filled with stops,

starts and stumbles.

Participate in your dreams and have faith.

You are standing on the edge of bliss.

Do it. Do that next big thing.

Become your own hero. ©

Excavating our beauty-full selves.

They say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But what does that mean? If I didn't know better I might think that it's what other people think that define what's beautiful. But it's not. At least not in my interpretation anyway. To me it means that everyone defines beauty in their own way, and other people's opinions on YOUR beauty really doesn't matter.

I long for the day when women stop being critical of themselves. One can't get past point A if they are obsessing over how to take that first step to B. Women are beautiful. Truly. Look at her eyes. Look at her smile. Look at her hands. Look at her heart. What makes her tick? Does it matter, the shell that encases this lovely woman? She who is succulent, sexy, strong. If she isn't, then we need to lift her up and show her that she is until she herself believes it.

When I lived out in Washington I took an 18 month women's wisdom course from my dear mentor and friend Jayna Gieber. Every woman that attended was on a personal journey to know themselves. We reached down through our layers, through our hard places, to find ourselves, to love ourselves, and to be dedicated to make a conscious effort to bring about change in a positive way. I fell in love with each and every woman there, and they will always be my life long "Spirit Sisters".

Now that I live in Pennsylvania, I am meeting scores of women that tell me they need this sort of offering, and so far I have not been able to find anyone that is offering it. There's the old saying "If it's to be, it's up to me". So, I am going to offer to facilitate a woman's group. It won't be like Jayna's because authentically I can't duplicate it. But I want to create the same sense of belonging, the same end goal for a woman to truly know themselves  spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

I want to play, journal, sing, dance, learn from others, and create with others. I want to help women to peel back their own layers and know their beauty.
So that's what I am going to do. a 12 month dedication to ourselves. To other women. To create a circle of women, a sisterhood if you will.
If you are reading this and are from PGH, please consider it. I would like to start on the weekend of the Spring Equinox.
If this is something that you might be interested, please send me an email to Rev.Dina@soulfulcommitment.com and let me know. I will add you to a small group mailing list and send you the details.
Beauty is within all of us. We just have to wake up to see it.

 "I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us."~ Sarah Crewe from A Little Princess

"Life is a Gift"

Life can be scary, sometimes. We never know what's around the corner, and when things get tough, we often lose sight of what's important as we settle into survival mode to get through whatever adventure we are in. We stress, we cry, we fret... And we forget. We forget what's important. We forget to breathe, until someone reminds us to. We forget that when we are at a low in our life, when we are in our dark nights, and we can't even see the moon, we forget that life WILL get better.
Mother Teresa had it right.

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is a beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is costly, care for it.
Life is wealth, keep it.
Life is love, enjoy it.
Life is mystery, know it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
~Mother Teresa ~Life Is A Gift




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Honoring intention

I read this wonderful article written by Sharon Salzberg this morning about The Power of Intention. I definitely recommend reading it. One of the most stand out paragraphs struck me, and I have probably read it 5 or 6 times today. I may even print it out. But I wanted to share it with you. She says :

"Often we can achieve an even better result (in honoring the role of intention) when we stumble yet are willing to start over, when we don't give up after a mistake, when something doesn't come easily but we throw ourselves into trying, when we're not afraid to appear less than perfectly polished. By prizing heartfulness above faultlessness, we may reap more from our effort because we're more likely to be changed by it. We learn and grow and are transformed not so much by what we do but by why and how we do it."

After I read this article, I decided to do a little research and see what kind of woman Ms. Salzberg is. I have to say, she is pretty wonderful. Wise, Spiritual, Mindful, and full of loving kindness.  She apparently was a big part of bringing and teaching the Asian meditation practices to The United States, and she is the co-founder of the Insight Meditation  Society in Massachusetts. 
Wow. Very cool.

Liberation

My music is on my husband's laptop which is with him every day at work. I haven't listened to in forever. Today I wanted.. no, needed to breathe, to center myself, to "chill out". So I grabbed his laptop to find something that might help.
I came across all of my spiritual music. I forgot what I had acquired over the years, and it was like a gift that I had inadvertently given myself.
I am sad that I haven't made more of an effort to listen to my collection, as I truly believe music sets the tone for centering, at least for me.   I think I found it all again as part of my "recalibration" process. As I scrolled through, this popped out at me:
 Om Namo Bhagavate 

It's a song sung by Deva Premal who is an amazing singer who sings sacred chants in Sanskrit, mantras that help to center you and bring you different aspects of whatever it is that you are seeking. This particular song is lovely. From Deva's website it means:

"O m N a m o B h a g a v a t e V a s u d e v a y a (L i b e r a t i on )
Salutations to the Indweller who is omnipresent, omnipotent, immortal and
divine.
 This mantra is called the G r e a t L i b e r a t i o n T w e l v e - S y l l a b l e M a n t r a.

 It frees our minds and spirits from negative patterns in this life. Regular and
consistent practice of this mantra gives us a complete spiritual freedom: it
frees us from the cycle of rebirth and helps us realize ourselves as a
manifestation of transcendent divinity.  It can also help bring in an advanced spiritual soul if chanted by the mother during pregnancy.
Vasudeva is the individual aspect of God that dwells inside of us."

It is exactly what I needed to listen to. It's perfect for this time in my life. But Italso reminded me of the Women's group I belonged to in Washington. This song was played, and I remember all the lovely women stood in a circle and felt the music, led by the teacher/mentor/minister, and we all sang along with her, eyes closed, holding hands, connecting to each other, to Spirit, to the Divine.
It is easily One of my favorite memories of my time in the group. I miss them.
Connection.

I'm feeling pulled, pushed and jostled around a bit right now. But not necessarily in a negative way. I actually feel myself "recalibrating". Finding that time that I didn't think I had to connect to myself, and to God. To think of my words, and how they affect those around me. To try to speak peacefully. To BE the peace in my home.

I will be honest. I have been grumpy a lot during this process. It's a tug of war in a way. I would love to ignore that which is in me to be better, to DO better. To live as the person I want so much to be. Authentic, Peaceful, Honest, Spiritual, and Joyful. It's so much easier to go with the flow, to ignore the goals, the dreams. But I can't. It's there, everywhere. I said YES to this walk, to this journey. Once you say yes, then life seems to take you by the hand and take you for the journey.
If you are a part of my life, I ask you to to help me hold myself accountable. To support me through this process. To not let me forget that which is in me. I need to remember that I am enough. Maybe I will swim up to the surface soon.
Thank you for listening.

Stone Ceremony

A recent wedding that I officiated (today) brought me something new to experiment with. I always love when the bride and groom share a new tradition, or something special that I can offer to future clients as a way to create a unique ceremony.
This time it was a stone ceremony. I didn't know what it was, what it would look like, and I had anxiety about making it perfect for the couple.
It turned out perfect anyway (You can say "I told you so").

6 people were chosen initially to write a blessing or a prayer/word representing what they wished for the couple on a stone to carry with them throughout their marriage. The maid of honor, Best man (who also happened to be the couple's brother and sister), and each parent of the couple. They each stepped forward, presented their word and stone to the couple, and through emotion, explained why they chose that word.
It was beautiful. We also invited each family present to write a word/blessing on a stone after the ceremony.
What a great way to create a visual foundation of the marriage. I explained that the stones are solid, that the blessings and support from their community strengthened it, but that stones together can easily shift and slide, so that it was up to the couple to create a balance when standing on the foundation.

It turned out lovely.

What would be your word/blessing on a stone for a marriage, and why?

Are you willing?

This morning I received this in my email from a wise woman Karen Salmansohn:


It struck me upside the head like a gentle kiss. It has been swirling around in my mind all day. I have heard it before, but today it tied in with my word "recalibrate" and took on a new perspective. It says to me that I need to let go, and begin again. It says in a gentle way "You have been trying too hard, dear One." It says that I must TRUST. so I say to you~ Say this quote out loud. Now, go to your mirror, change the "WE" to I, the "US" to ME and say it again. how did it feel? Did it resonate with you?
What does it feel like to you?

Today, as I was driving an hour to a wedding rehearsal that I was really having anxiety over, I popped in Jennifer Berezan's CD "Returning." it's calming. It's healing. It reaches down and touches your heart. With the music playing, I sang as loud as I could. " Returning, returning, returning to the Mother of us all..." I centered myself, and tried to be open to my anxiety. Why was I feeling angst with something I absolutely find joy over? I was afraid of judgement of others. I was afraid that they weren't going to like my ceremony. And most importantly, I was afraid of the unknown. Not knowing how this was going to look like, because I was stepping out of my comfort zone and trying something I had never done before. ( a stone ceremony.)

However, I promised that I would open myself to whatever was supposed to occur, and be OK with the possibilities of what it would look like.

When i walked in they were happy to see me. They liked me. They loved my ceremony. I walked out wondering what the heck my problem was. Why did fear step in and cloud my joy? Why did i allow anxiety to take up all the confidence, and push it aside? I have a theory. I am a perfectionist, and because I didn't know how part of the ceremony was going to look like, and I don't like not being prepared. I guess I need to work on that.

I need to stop planning my life down to every moment. I need to allow for the unknown. I need to let life happen. Because that's where the unexpected joy finds us. That's where the surprises brighten our day.

So this New Year's Eve, as we get ready to begin again, I ask that you create space for yourself to let go of the life you have planned for yourself, and create space for the life that is waiting for you.

Blessings to all of you. May you find joy in the unexpected.
And so it is.

Reflections of a year gone by

This morning a word popped into my head. "Recalibrate". It shuffled in and out of my thoughts. I whispered it. I felt it on my tongue, in my voice. Recalibrate. What does that mean to me? Then it dawned on me. The WORD. You know, the word you choose to represent the life you want to live  for the year. Or is that just something that only I do?

Photo Courtesy of Montrose Colorado Grace Community Church

So I looked in the mirror. I looked into those blue eyes. I looked at the gray hair SCREAMING to be free of hair dye. I looked at the tiny fine lines around my eyes. I looked at my body; a mother's body. One that I have never been able to embrace, that I have never celebrated.  Do you know who I am? Do you know what I am about? Do you know what I represent? These are the questions I have been asking myself for the last month. Questions that have really left me confused, frustrated, fuzzy.
Because I don't even know. I am not in the same space that I was a few years ago. I am not living a life that I had promised myself I would, when I took vows 3 years ago in a sacred space with really amazing people.

But then again I can't be hard on myself. I am living an authentic life. Things have changed. They aren't the same. Life requires a different sort of energy for me to function these days.  I am a mother 4 times over. I spent this entire year learning how to adapt. How to make it work for myself. For my partner, for my children, and for our new baby. A lack of sleep, exhaustion, and no personal space at ALL left me little time to work on ME. I learned to take a small sliver of time, in the wee hours of the night while I was breastfeeding my little one to pray, or to connect to Spirit.

I worked hard this year at building my business. Officiating weddings. Funerals. Teaching classes. Reaching deeper inside myself to pull out strength that I never knew that I had. I dealt with catastrophe. I handled adversity.  I healed some relationships, and let go of others. I learned a lot about myself.

I learned that life is exactly what you make of it. That you can't keep woulda coulda shoulda-ing your life away. That living in the past doesn't make the future any brighter. That trying to foretell the future doesn't help the present to be beautiful. Of course these are all lessons that I thought I had already learned a long time ago. I guess I must of forgotten. How many times must one go through the same lessons?

After living in a very different life these past 3 years, It wasn't until THIS year that noticed how much I had taken a few steps away from the Spiritual aspect of me. Yet I was living and working under the title of a minister. I felt like a fraud. But am I?

No. The "title" is just one of many aspects of who I am. I have just been busy. I didn't create the space to "BE" spiritual. Except that is not true either. I did. In tiny hidden moments. The in breath and the out breath here and there. Singing to my baby the chants and songs I learned from amazing mother archetypes that have blessed my life.


As we near the end of the year every year, I always take the time to reflect on the life I have lived thus far. Did I make a difference? Was I kind to the Earth? Did I learn anything that helps to make me a better person? Did I do ANYTHING right with my kids?
This year, I can answer yes. I did. I can feel good about that.

My goal/objective for this new year is to live in integrity. With myself, with my family, and with those I choose to surround myself with. I choose to surround myself with people who HAVE integrity. Who want to make a difference. Who choose to be positive.

"Recalibrate". This word feels right to me.  It's time to recalibrate my life. I am not sure what that means, but I guess we will find out. May our lessons be gentle, and may this year 2011 bring us joy beyond measure. And so it is. Cheers!

The gift of knowing you

The world lost a lovely woman today. I'm sorry to see you go. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to see you one last time. To hear your quick laughter, to get that last hug.
I am sorry for your two beautiful daughters who lost their mother at such a young age. For your baby grandson who you lived your life for.
I am sorry for your employers who never fully appreciated your abilities.

Yet. Yet I know, at the same time you are finally free. You have been released from your failing body. You have been released from the mountain of responsibility and stress, and dark nights. You have been released from your sadness.

I know your happy now. I know you are off to learn your new lessons, and find value in the life you lived.
I will smile when I think of you. I will remember you fondly. I will miss you.
Farewell Denise Schmidt. You were a lovely woman. You ARE a lovely soul.