Friday, December 31, 2010

Are you willing?

This morning I received this in my email from a wise woman Karen Salmansohn:

It struck me upside the head like a gentle kiss. It has been swirling around in my mind all day. I have heard it before, but today it tied in with my word "recalibrate" and took on a new perspective. It says to me that I need to let go, and begin again. It says in a gentle way "You have been trying too hard, dear One." It says that I must TRUST. so I say to you~ Say this quote out loud. Now, go to your mirror, change the "WE" to I, the "US" to ME and say it again. how did it feel? Did it resonate with you?
What does it feel like to you?

Today, as I was driving an hour to a wedding rehearsal that I was really having anxiety over, I popped in Jennifer Berezan's CD "Returning." it's calming. It's healing. It reaches down and touches your heart. With the music playing, I sang as loud as I could. " Returning, returning, returning to the Mother of us all..." I centered myself, and tried to be open to my anxiety. Why was I feeling angst with something I absolutely find joy over? I was afraid of judgement of others. I was afraid that they weren't going to like my ceremony. And most importantly, I was afraid of the unknown. Not knowing how this was going to look like, because I was stepping out of my comfort zone and trying something I had never done before. ( a stone ceremony.)

However, I promised that I would open myself to whatever was supposed to occur, and be OK with the possibilities of what it would look like.

When i walked in they were happy to see me. They liked me. They loved my ceremony. I walked out wondering what the heck my problem was. Why did fear step in and cloud my joy? Why did i allow anxiety to take up all the confidence, and push it aside? I have a theory. I am a perfectionist, and because I didn't know how part of the ceremony was going to look like, and I don't like not being prepared. I guess I need to work on that.

I need to stop planning my life down to every moment. I need to allow for the unknown. I need to let life happen. Because that's where the unexpected joy finds us. That's where the surprises brighten our day.

So this New Year's Eve, as we get ready to begin again, I ask that you create space for yourself to let go of the life you have planned for yourself, and create space for the life that is waiting for you.

Blessings to all of you. May you find joy in the unexpected.
And so it is.

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