Liberation

My music is on my husband's laptop which is with him every day at work. I haven't listened to in forever. Today I wanted.. no, needed to breathe, to center myself, to "chill out". So I grabbed his laptop to find something that might help.
I came across all of my spiritual music. I forgot what I had acquired over the years, and it was like a gift that I had inadvertently given myself.
I am sad that I haven't made more of an effort to listen to my collection, as I truly believe music sets the tone for centering, at least for me.   I think I found it all again as part of my "recalibration" process. As I scrolled through, this popped out at me:
 Om Namo Bhagavate 

It's a song sung by Deva Premal who is an amazing singer who sings sacred chants in Sanskrit, mantras that help to center you and bring you different aspects of whatever it is that you are seeking. This particular song is lovely. From Deva's website it means:

"O m N a m o B h a g a v a t e V a s u d e v a y a (L i b e r a t i on )
Salutations to the Indweller who is omnipresent, omnipotent, immortal and
divine.
 This mantra is called the G r e a t L i b e r a t i o n T w e l v e - S y l l a b l e M a n t r a.

 It frees our minds and spirits from negative patterns in this life. Regular and
consistent practice of this mantra gives us a complete spiritual freedom: it
frees us from the cycle of rebirth and helps us realize ourselves as a
manifestation of transcendent divinity.  It can also help bring in an advanced spiritual soul if chanted by the mother during pregnancy.
Vasudeva is the individual aspect of God that dwells inside of us."

It is exactly what I needed to listen to. It's perfect for this time in my life. But Italso reminded me of the Women's group I belonged to in Washington. This song was played, and I remember all the lovely women stood in a circle and felt the music, led by the teacher/mentor/minister, and we all sang along with her, eyes closed, holding hands, connecting to each other, to Spirit, to the Divine.
It is easily One of my favorite memories of my time in the group. I miss them.
Connection.

I'm feeling pulled, pushed and jostled around a bit right now. But not necessarily in a negative way. I actually feel myself "recalibrating". Finding that time that I didn't think I had to connect to myself, and to God. To think of my words, and how they affect those around me. To try to speak peacefully. To BE the peace in my home.

I will be honest. I have been grumpy a lot during this process. It's a tug of war in a way. I would love to ignore that which is in me to be better, to DO better. To live as the person I want so much to be. Authentic, Peaceful, Honest, Spiritual, and Joyful. It's so much easier to go with the flow, to ignore the goals, the dreams. But I can't. It's there, everywhere. I said YES to this walk, to this journey. Once you say yes, then life seems to take you by the hand and take you for the journey.
If you are a part of my life, I ask you to to help me hold myself accountable. To support me through this process. To not let me forget that which is in me. I need to remember that I am enough. Maybe I will swim up to the surface soon.
Thank you for listening.