Thursday, January 31, 2013

Walking the Spiral.

When I really started digging into my spirituality as a young adult, I was torn from being raised as a fundamentalist and seeking the other side of the spectrum, that which intrigued me. Which path was mine? I have ALWAYS been a seeker.
Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew that I have been enveloped in the Love of Spirit. The Magic of Mother Earth has always spoken to me, and the voice of Spirit has continuously been present in my ear. The seed in side of me has always been there, deep in my soul. I have always had the deep love for all things nature based.

But how did it fit into my Christianity? Where did Jesus fit? So I started exploring. I checked out Paganism, Wicca, Buddhism, Shamanic practices, Sufism. I studied Science Of Mind, and New Thought. I started learning about Mythology, and Mysticism. I learned about Angels, and Spirit Helpers. Guides, and our ancestors.

I returned to learning about Jesus once more, and started looking more closely at his disciples. Who were they, really? So I studied and fell in love with Mary Magdeline. I met a beautiful woman who channeled her. I read the Gnostic Gospels. I joined book circles, took classes, workshops.
I adopted wise women and men as mentors. I learned about The Secret, and the Law of Attraction, watched everything I could on the Indigo child. I watched A Wrinkle in Time, and had my mind blown. I watched every movie I could on transformation, and energy, and the soul.
I gleaned everything I could from everyone I knew. I know that I barely scratched the surface.
I joined a community, and adopted Spirit Mama's and Papa's and sisters and brothers. I attended Boddhisattva classes, and sweat lodge ceremonies. I joined a powerful interfaith Prayer Circle. I learned how to do Shamanic Journey work. I had soul retrieval done, and talked to Psychics. Out of body experience? yes. Talking to those that walk on the other side? Yes. Feeling energy? yes. And so much more.

Long story short I've explored, and learned, and discovered. But I'm a novice. I am still hungry. I want to learn SO MUCH MORE.

I know that when I was first discovering all this I was so excited. I never once thought I was an expert by any means, but my ego was not in check, and I know I was quite arrogant. I remember my minister friend and mentor said to me when I was telling her all my grandiose plans "NO one is going to take you seriously. #1. You are too young. #2, You have SO much more to learn."

Initially, that upset me. Well, my ego was bruised. Now, she wasn't being mean. She was gently keeping me in check. Reminding me that I am a student, a seeker first and foremost, and I had a long way to go until someone WANTED me for a teacher.
I will always be thankful for her words of wisdom. Putting that perspective on me was the best thing that could have happened.

I think back to all the women in my prayer circle, and my women's circles, ALL older than I, and what they must of thought of my ambition. Did they just smile and nod? Think I was being over zealous? Perhaps. They embraced me, encouraged me, and supported me along my journey. They were my foundation to grow on. I needed them, and I'm so incredibly thankful for their wisdom. I miss them so much. My tribe. I Love you, ladies.

And now I have a new circle that I am embracing. I'm not the youngest anymore. And I see the younger version of me within.
And the circle goes round and round.

May we all be illuminated by Spirit, and feel embraced and supported. May we all continue to walk together on this journey, even if it isn't side by side. I've got your back, and I know somewhere, someone has mine.

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