Silence
In the ocean of silence you may discover your eternal treasures of peace, love and happiness. In silence, you can let bad feelings and past sorrows dissolve. In silence you can hear the whisper of God saying "Come child and rest with Me. You are a peaceful soul."
This morning I have been emotional. Snippy, tested, annoyed, and overwhelmed. I have been running like... as my husband called me "A Whirling Dervish". In different instances he is correct. I had been tested through the MBA program that I have finally finished. During that time, everything seemed to take a back seat. Don't get me wrong, I was still me, mommy, wife, Minister, jailer, attorney, housekeeper, personal chef, Tutor, Nurse, Veterinarian.. And the list goes on. But really, I was in Zombie mode. I didn't really LOOK at anything closely. Life swept by me, a blurry haze. My eyes were on the prize of a diploma from my University, and as much as I dragged my feet through it all, I wanted so badly to finish it.
Now that it is all done, it literally took 1 solid day for the cobwebs to be cleared from my eyes, and for me to see the reality of what has been happening around my home without me essentially. Like I said, I was there, but really, I wasn't.
My house had turned upside down. Literally. My kids freedoms were WAY too lenient. My Husband was taxed to the brink of insanity trying to hold it all together. The animals had lost all their behavioral training. The basement was Growing a life of its own, and it was in a sad sad state ready to start mutiny on me. My bedroom? I don't even want to go there. How. HOW could I have literally let it all go? I didn't have a full time job, I had time to keep it together, right?? I mean I do full time here, but not out in the real world with a real paycheck, other than being a minister.
I am embarrassed, I am frantic, and I am feeling overwhelmed to say the least. All of a sudden, I realized that there is a new baby coming into existence in three months. I will have FOUR children!!! We don't have a place for her yet, because the wannabe nursery is filled with boxes of CRAP. All of the projects in my house are 50% finished. The laundry is going to swallow me alive. I have 7 weddings to prepare for and a trip to the west coast a week from today. My online Mommy-blogger girly friend Burghbaby Just dropped a bombshell and reminded me that the holidays are FAST approaching like a speed train.
SO I rolled up my sleeves and began this week to set my world upright. I have been going break neck speed trying to right everything, and Hubby says "Welcome Back!" in one breath, and relax! in the next. My friends say relax. My sister says relax! My mother says "Sit your ass down, put your feet up, drink a cup of tea, read a book, and RELAX, or I will come out there and make you!!" *Shudder* (she will too.)
SO this morning it all caught up to me, and I sat on my couch and just cried. and cried. (Which I hate, because it makes me cranky and sleepy in the evening) My puppy immediately put his big head on my belly and looked up at me concerned... Until the baby kicked him in the neck.
I sat in the silence and took a few.. ok Several deep breaths. I remembered the wisdom that I had received earlier and tried to find my own peace. I realize that no matter what it will all be OK. I know that. That I can only do as much as I can do, and that I will have to create a balance to make everything work. I know that stress doesn't help. Saying all of this doesn't stop me from freaking out, but at least I KNOW what I am supposed to be doing.
It does, however give me a diversion with all the other emotional stuff that is up and sitting in my throat, which I would rather focus on, but everything else doesn't leave me much time to sit and whine and mope.
So off I go to finish the 4503q9 loads of laundry, fold and put away the mess in my room, and scrub the bathroom shower. (Can we just say EWWW!) At least It's a start.
No comments:
Post a Comment